Author Archives: Danielle

About Danielle

I'm a mom of two living near Boulder, Colorado. I began this blog to talk about the importance of self care for me as a new mother, and to support other new parents in as they start off on this difficult but rewarding journey. I'll discuss parenting trends, review parenting books, and sometimes just tell stories about my kid and my life.

Friday music: “405” by Death Cab for Cutie, with Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers

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Here’s something a little different today! This amazing vidder took the dance from Roberta, set it to Death Cab for Cutie’s “405”, and it’s just gorgeous. I watch this video whenever I need to calm myself down, and it always does the trick. Leave a comment for the creator on Youtube if you like it!

On nursing an older child

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I am lucky to live in a place where many families choose to breastfeed for an extended period of time. It is very common to see moms nursing their toddlers and preschoolers in public, and so I can feel comfortable nursing my babies in public too. My oldest son is going to be 3 in April, and he still nurses three times a day when he’s home with me. He always nurses in the morning at wake up, at night before bedtime, and he also nurses after nap times if he’s home (but obviously not if he’s at school). Nursing my toddler has been occasionally frustrating, but I also think it’s gotten us through a lot of the tougher periods of his development.

Because my son and I have been sitting down together for at least 20 minutes, at least three times a day over the past 3 years, we have a close relationship, and we read each other very well. Even on days when he’s tantruming every 5 minutes, and I feel like I’m going to lose it, that time to deliberately reconnect is what makes it possible for me to keep going. And, I do actually think we have seen fewer tantrums overall because my son and I have that time of connection.

Of course families who are not nursing can still have deep relationships with their babies, but I think it can be hard to make myself deliberately find the energy to cuddle when my baby is yelling at me all the time. At least for me, it’s hard to bridge that gap when I’m feeling angry and worn down after the eighth tantrum of the morning. But, nursing happens in our family whether I am particularly feeling it or not, which means my son knows that it’s a part of his routine that will always happen, and that his mom will always be there for him, even on a rough day. My son and I have very different personalities, so it’s helpful for both of us to have the encouragement that comes with a built-in nursing routine.

I should also mention that I do think that breastfeeding my son when my daughter was little minimized the separation anxiety he felt from having a new baby in the house. He adjusted to his little sister’s homecoming very well, much better than I anticipated, but that kind of situation can be a struggle for any child. There are new routines, new noises, and obviously all the family‚Äôs attention goes to the new baby. I disappeared for a few minutes four times a day when I had to get her down for naps. I couldn’t get up from the couch for my son when I was nursing the baby. Sometimes my son wanted to nurse, but the baby needed to nurse first, because I only have so much milk.

But, my son could still look forward to those specific times of reconnecting with me, and he knew he’d get that specialized attention from me even if I couldn’t give it to him all the time any more. And now, when he sees me nursing his sister, he’ll often come up to the couch and say, “Nursing sister!” and smile at us, which is super cute.

(On a practical note, nursing a toddler when you have a second baby is the best way to prevent clogged ducts and mastitis that I’ve ever found. I had huge oversupply with both of my babies, which sounds great, but was really frustrating and caused a lot of problems for me. Luckily, my son could be counted on to take extra milk when it caused me discomfort, and he was also instrumental in clearing some plugged ducts when neither his sister nor my pump were strong enough to clear them on their own.)

Even though nursing my almost 3 year-old hasn’t been a joy 100% of the time, it’s been great for our family overall, and I think it’s benefited my son’s emotional health a great deal. I’m really glad I’ve been able to offer this for him for so long, and I hope his sister has the opportunity to nurse for just as long, if she wants to.

And then two months went by…

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Well, when I said that I was going to go on hiatus, I never meant for it to stretch for two entire months! People told me that two and a half was a difficult age, with a lot of disequilibrium, but it’s hard to comprehend that kind of warning until you’re in the midst of experiencing it yourself. I feel like I’ve just been through months of extremely challenging behavior from my son, on top of a lot of work-related scheduling issues and illness in the family, but I think we are finally starting to see the other side. Regardless, this blog is important to me and lots of fun to do, so I’m going to try to get it up and running nice and regular again.

First, how about a family update? My daughter, our baby, is just 9 months old. I don’t know how she got that big so fast! She’s not properly crawling yet, but can scoot herself around with alarming speed, and is getting into everything these days. Her two bottom teeth are just coming in, and she is a big eater. Right now, she especially loves sweet potatoes and scrambled eggs. Sleep has been hit-and-miss lately with her crawling, and the various colds our whole household has gotten, but she is getting better. She is a happy, adorable, chatty baby, and generally a pleasure to be around.

My son, our toddler, is now 31 months-old, and as I mentioned, is just coming out of the 2 1/2 year-old “terror” phase, which I would not wish upon anyone. It was months and months of constant tantrums, shorter nighttime sleep, disrupted naps, and him needing constant attention from us. It’s all normal for this age group, but that doesn’t make it easier. Right around when daylight savings happened, I noticed that his nighttime sleep went from averaging about 9.5 hours back to almost 11 hours, so bedtime has gotten earlier and he’s sleeping later in the morning, too. This is helping his moods quite a bit.

He’s also finally broken through some of the barriers he’s had with speech, so although he’s nowhere near the average for his age yet, he is trying more words every day and using signs much more specifically and clearly. Recent signs include “help,” “more,” (which he had stopped using for a few months), and he’s begun pointing again. His repeated spoken words are also much more clear, and he says “night-night” at bedtime and “bye-bye” when someone leaves. This is fantastic progress and really helpful to me, especially as I’ve been so run down with his sister’s lack of sleep and our many colds lately. My son still needs a lot of attention, but he’s playing independently more readily than he has for months, so sometimes I can sit down by myself for a minute.

So with a little luck, we’ll be back to our regular posting schedule starting now! Thanks for hanging in there with me – I missed you!

Thanksgiving

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For those of you who celebrate Thanksgiving, I hope you have a wonderful, safe holiday with your family and friends.

For those of you for whom the holidays are hard, for whatever reason, please know that we care about you, and are thinking of you.

This blog’s hiatus stretched on much longer than I anticipated, but I am finally digging us out from the mountain of delays, and we will be back starting next week. Until then, be well!