Happy Wednesday, friends!
I’m sorry I’ve been missing in action this week! My partner started a new job on Monday, which is wonderful, but necessitates a new schedule for me. You guys, I am not good at getting up earlier in the morning. I will get used to it, and probably will get more done everyday as a result of getting more hours in the morning, but right now I am just tired and lacking in motivation. Ergo blog silence and guilt and avoidance and more guilt.
I try really hard not to engage in too much “mom guilt” because I realize that even when I mess up, I’m doing my best, and my kids are great and will continue to be great. Despite this, I still feel guilty over objectively silly things, and here’s an example. If you know me in real life, you saw on Facebook earlier this week that there was a day when my daughter was The Grumpiest. She was fussy, wanted to be held constantly, cried when I put her down for naps, and I couldn’t find anything wrong. I was getting frustrated, since I was having trouble getting motivated myself, and it’s hard to be optimistic in the face of constant Grumpy. Then, toward the afternoon, I discovered that I was having a period, my first period in 14 months, and it is really common for a nursing mom’s milk supply to dip the day before and the first day of a period. Sometimes the milk even tastes different, according to toddlers who talk more than mine can. My daughter had been fussy because she’d been hungry – even though I was feeding her on our usual schedule, she wasn’t getting big enough feeds, the fussing was her attempt to try to let me know.
Friends, I didn’t know, but when I figured it out, I felt so bad! Of course, she wasn’t fussing for no reason. It was just that I didn’t know the reason. I can’t control my menstrual cycle, but I still felt guilty that my body, which is supposed to be able to feed this baby, fell down on the job for an entire day. And, of all the weeks of the year, my body chose the week of the new job, when I was already stressed and tired, to start menstruating again. Good job, body! Thanks for your support!
But really, in actuality, my body is a bad ass. I’m not an athlete by any means, but my body can make enough milk to feed two babies, keep enough muscle strength to carry them both through even a Costco-sized parking lot, and get me through the day on precious little sleep. It is silly to feel guilty that I couldn’t maintain that for months without a break, and also, maybe my body is having a period this week of all weeks on purpose. Maybe I should take a break and shorten my to do list and rest. So, that’s what I’ve been doing, and with any luck, we’ll be back on regular posting schedule this week.
I will still do a Friday music post, though. I know hardly anyone reads them, but music makes me happy.