This morning I was trying to remember how old my son was when I first left him alone for a few minutes to take a shower. My daughter is almost 11 months old, and I’ve just started to feel comfortable leaving her for a few minutes in a thoroughly baby-proofed space, away from my son, to bring the laundry upstairs or run the recycling out. I feel like I probably started to leave my son alone for a few minutes at around the same age. He wasn’t walking at that point, and he always self-entertained very well. My daughter is not quite old enough for me to take a shower while she’s awake and unsupervised yet, but it’s exciting to be 11 months along and to start to see a day when every single little decision of my life doesn’t have to be built around my youngest baby’s schedule the way it is now.
I truly believe that the radical schedule change that happens when you become a parent is the hardest part of childcare for most people to adjust to. Most people are able to care for a newborn just fine if they’re given the means and support, but having to eat, sleep, shower and everything else on a schedule completely dictated by a new little person can be a real challenge for a lot of us. I know a lot of parents, stay-at-home especially, lose themselves in childcare, especially in the first year, which is not good for their health or their families in the long-term. But I’ve also met parents who don’t seem to recognize how often newborns need to nurse and nap, and who are blithely running their tiny babies ragged with their bizarre, unfair expectation that the baby can adapt to an adult schedule. It can be hard to find the balance between getting your baby the sleep and meals she needs, and getting your sleep and meals too!
All this is just to say that if this is something you’ve been struggling with, you’re definitely not alone in it, and it does get better. Carve out some time for yourself occasionally by whatever means, but realize that soon your tiny baby will be walking and talking and making decent decisions on their own, which will mean that you can take a shower and your house will still be standing when you’re done.